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Trapped in the Mirror: Adult Children of Narcissists in their Struggle for Self, by Elan Golomb
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About the Author
Elan Golomb is a graduate of Bennington College and earned her Ph.D. in clinical psychology and her certificate in psychoanalysis and psychotherapy from New York University. She has been in private practice in New York since 1972.
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Product details
Paperback: 274 pages
Publisher: William Morrow & Company, Inc.; Underlining edition (March 28, 1995)
Language: English
ISBN-10: 0688140718
ISBN-13: 978-0688140717
Product Dimensions:
5.7 x 0.7 x 9.2 inches
Shipping Weight: 10.4 ounces (View shipping rates and policies)
Average Customer Review:
4.0 out of 5 stars
208 customer reviews
Amazon Best Sellers Rank:
#41,591 in Books (See Top 100 in Books)
It's true, this book is somewhat dated (or maybe even a LOT dated) in its expression of some of the author's opinions, but that doesn't make it untrue about a lot of other things. I found myself pretty amazed at some of the descriptions of the author's own interactions with her parents, having gone through similar things with my own. I guess for those who are not just discovering "wow, other people have actually been through this same thing...." it may seem stupid, but for me it was pretty eye-opening and felt good to know there were other people who had felt the same way as I have and had.The latter chapters helped me to see that a lot of the hiding from people that I do is shared by other children of narcissists and that I don't have to feel ashamed of myself. There are some almost poetic parts of this book. It's not the plain language, tell-it-like-it-is normal self-help type book, but the unique aspects of this book really resonated with me and left me feeling more hopeful, not less so.Yes, life can be a dark journey and this book focuses on the more painful aspects. If you're easily triggered or want something that gives you concrete steps to help yourself, you might want to look elsewhere.
I wish I could leave an un-starred comment instead of having to assign a rating this book.This book is -horrifically- outdated. It contains narrow-minded, hateful opinions regarding human sexuality that have long-since been discarded. On that basis alone, this book should be retired. Its tone is pompous and arrogant, and it doesn't offer much real-world help.That said, there are plenty of points in it that made me feel much MUCH better and less alone. The author was in my head, saying things I didn't realize I thought and suffered for decades. In that respect, it is a marvelous book for those who need some self-analysis and support.If it were updated, it'd be a clear no-brainer for anyone dealing with these issues. As it is, it can only be recommended to readers who can ignore / cast-off sections that should be relegated to the dustbin of history and its ignorant hatreds and garbage opinions.
This is more of a memoir and collection of stories of patients. The common thread is horrid narcissistic parents creating wounded adults, who often make self-destructive choices. But if you are seeking specific advice on overcoming such a childhood, this is not the book for you. In fact, in the epilogue, the author basically discusses why she does not feel she should offer specific suggestions. The book is not well edited, and some stories are repeated. There is no real building of conclusions. There are personal details of the author's life, of friend's lives, of relative's of friends and of patients.
Not too much is written about this subject for some reason. Without difficult (or downright BAD) parents, psychologists wouldn't have much to do all day, but oddly, nobody wants to admit the source of the problem. This author has had the kinds of problems with her parents that she writes about, so often she really nails it when she's describing what some of us have gone through and what kinds of parents we've had to deal with. However, this is a double edged sword, because the very personal experiences which enable her to understand the problem, seem to prevent her from coming up with solutions. Down in the trenches with the rest of us, she doesn't seem to have much valuable advice on how to pull ourselves out of the mess since it doesn't seem as if she's healed yet herself.. A great eyeopener for those who are just starting to recognize their childhood problems, it doesn't give a lot of useable advice for those of us who have been fighting these problems for years and need help.. However, having said that, since this is one of the very few books that deal honestly with a problem that no one else will even admit, it's worth the read.
As someone who is working on childhood wounds through therapy and making positive changes, I was disappointed in this book as I found it recommended on the internet. Some of this book was insightful and relatable, however I found myself annoyed that the author countinually writes about herself when I thought this was a self help book. Her stories of her own father seem self indulgent and also like she hasn't separated herself enough from this disorder to offer objective help to others. In addition she countiuously writes about her "friends" in a judgementenal manner. I thought to myself "is she even a psychologist?" and had to double check her credentials as it comes off as unprofessional. I would like the read of case studies of children of narcissistic parents, not about friends of the author where there is going to be inherent bias because of the close relationship. Furthermore, her views of homosexuality and gender are outdated, I cringed when I read the section about Victoria as she implied that homosexuality results from a toxic childhood. I don't think I could recommend this book and will be searching for something that offers actual helpful exercises, real case studies (not stories about friends), a more modern view point of gender and sexuality, and less self indulgence.
Trapped in the Mirror, Adult children of narcissists in their struggle for self.Elan Golomb explains clearly about the life of those raised by narcissistic parents. She explains very carefully the various aspects involved and attempts to fill in what was missing in our childhoods. This is a wonderfully written book with features and elements so very helpful to the adult child still mired in confusion, self-doubt, and misunderstanding caused in childhood.
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